We just received in our email box the Associated Press working files on the following story…

Palin’s Daughter Arrested in Wasilla for Dangerous Drunk Driving

(AP) WASILLA, ALASKA — The daughter of failed Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin was arrested Thursday in Wasilla for driving drunk.

Bristol Palin, 19, was stopped by officers at about 12:40 a.m. and booked after rude behavior at the Wasilla police station for driving under the influence.

She was held for about five hours and released at about 5:30 a.m. after posting $5,000 bail, officials said.

Bristol Palin is the eldest daughter of failed Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and could be responsible for the loss of Republican John McCain’s bid for president in 2006. After it was discovered she was pregnant out of wedlock, the doomed Palin GOP bid for vice president suffered repeated scandals. Governor Palin was thought to have been a book banner in Wasilla and it was reported that her son, Trig, was really Bristol’s child.

The hypocrisy of the Palin campai….

Wait…

This just in….

Hold on, new facts have come to light. To our newspaper customers, please ignore the last story and substitute this one:

Sen. Kerry’s innocent daughter arrested in LA on DUI

(AP) LOS ANGELES — The daughter of Sen. John Kerry was arrested Thursday in Hollywood for allegedly driving drunk.

Alexandra Kerry, 36, was stopped by officers at about 12:40 a.m. and booked at the Hollywood police station for investigation of driving under the influence, Officer April Harding said.

She was held for about five hours and released at about 5:30 a.m. after posting $5,000 bail, Harding said.

She had no other details but we are sure that John Kerry’s daughter is wholly innocent of these scurrilous charges.

That is all.

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**And now a word from my inner swaggerer…

Europe is a chick’s name. That’s right, you heard me. The word Europa from which Europe is derived is of feminine gender in origin. In Greek mythology Europa was a Phoenician princess abducted by Zeus. Zeus disguised himself as a bull to pull off the caper.

So, what do we have? Let’s review: Europe is a defenseless but pretty chick fooled by a bunch of bull and ravaged by a God.

Yep. Sounds about right.

Now what about America? How chikified is our name? Well, not much.

As it happens America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, a cartographer and explorer from the mid 1400s who was one of the first westerners to map the coast of the Americas. He was a man, baby.

A man’s man, an explorer, a man of means (well, early in his life, anyway), a sailor. A real tough guy. And even if that isn’t true, at least a person with a swinging anchor and some ballast which is more than we can say for the weeping, cringing Europa.

And since the naming, our two continents have certainly lived up to the theme. Europe, constantly ravaged, always weeping, forever moaning about being nice to folks, and never strong enough to stand on its own for long has been as weak and feckless as can be imagined.

On the other hand America has been the jewel of the world. America was born of the woman but strode forward in confident, self-possessed strides leaving mommy behind sniffling and waving her handkerchief to her successful son and warning him not to forget to write or at least leave a text message. America has spawned riches uncountable with its toils and with the United States at its head has become the world’s father and policeman. It’s a manly nation to say the least.

So, what’s in a name, William old sod? Nothing less than the expression of character (or weakness thereof). We Americans stand astride the world in manliness while Europe swoons by our side in supplication… and nagging, nagging, nagging like the gnarled old hag she has become. Even Zeus would be tired of her by now.

Yep. Europe is our bi_ _h.

Take that you Euroweenies!

So, go on. Call me a cowboy. But whose twirling rope are you Euroweenies gonna reach for when you’ve let the Islamofascists take over your lands? Whose six-shooters will come in handy when the Chinese are blowing you away? Which man in the white hat are ya gonna call on when you suddenly find yourself surrounded by hostiles on all sides? If’n yer lucky, pardner, we might jess lope on by and help ya out. Ya never know. Give us a whistle and see.

… OK, I feel better. And now back to the news.

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MORE than 100 penguin-loving tourists including dozens from Britain are trapped by ice off Antarctica aboard a Russian ice-breaker cruise ship, officials and the tour operator said today.

The Kapitan Khlebnikov is in a bay near Snow Hill island, located off the northeastern end of the Antarctic Peninsula, and cannot leave as the bay is sealed off with ice, the Russian transportation ministry said.

I’m just surmising here, but, I’d bet that a good chunk of the tourists believe in AGW. I wonder how they feel about it now, considering it is the summertime in the Southern hemisphere. And, I wonder if they realize that their boat and stuff contribute heat to the area? Regardless, cool trip, huh? I wouldn’t mind doing that.

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BEIJING – President Barack Obama prodded China about Internet censorship and free speech, but the message was not widely heard in China where his words were blocked online and shown on only one regional television channel.

Irony? Serendipity? Coincidence? Or just plain pwned?

“I’m a big supporter of non-censorship,” Obama said. “I recognize that different countries have different traditions. I can tell you that in the United States, the fact that we have free Internet — or unrestricted Internet access — is a source of strength, and I think should be encouraged.”

Hmm, we’ll see how that non-censoring thing will work out as Democrats put together plans to take down Conservative talk radio. Oh, and then there was that little spat with Fox News, initiated by the White House.

Obama may have been hoping to set a personal example for China’s leaders when he said he believes that free discussion, including criticism that may be annoying to him, makes him “a better leader because it forces me to hear opinions that I don’t want to hear.”

Spat. Fox News. Fight with Limbaugh. Fight with Hannity. Joe the Plumber. Kevin Miller. Barbara West. Hiring Cass Sunstein, a man who is all about censoring the Internet.

Look, I applaud Obama’s cajones in answering the question in that manner as he stands on Chinese soil. Kudos to him, in all seriousness. But, considering his own opinions and actions here in the US, he really does not have the moral authority to lecture the Chinese.

Just for reference, Pirate’s Cove is banned in China, along with my test site. Not sure about Stop The ACLU or Right Wing News, since the site designed to tell you if your site is blocked has been taken down. Unsurprisingly, The Huffington Post is now unblocked in China, though, the Huff Post’s opinions are farther left then the Chinese governments. But, they have blocked I Can Has Cheeseburger! That’s just mean. See here and here for lists of some who have been blocked.

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I always knew that Mad Magazine was filled with ner-do-wells that will rot your brain and turn you into a big meanie. My teachers in school all told me so… and they were teachers so they must’ve been right. Now the Apple iPhone App store has finally seen the light of reason on this truism, too. Well, if the App Store didn’t deny Mad Magazine exactly, it did lower the kabosh on one of its nasty, mean-spirited artists, Tom Richmond, by denying his iPhone App registration. Serves him right, the troublemaker.

The good name of Apple computers will not be sullied by the rottenness, and all around anarchy of this no-account, Richmond, that’s for sure. And to assure that Apple will always stand for truth, justice and the American way, Richmond’s crummy little iPhone App has been denied. Take that forces of un-Americanness!

So, what was Richmond’s apostasy, you might wonder? Well, last year cartoonist Tom Richmond was asked to help with the graphic display of a proposed iPhone App that would connect the user with information on their representatives in Congress. It was to monstrously be titled the “Bobble Rep” App. The idea is that you’d key in the name of a congressman into your iPhone and his contact info would pop up on the screen. You’d get a little cartoon illustration of the congressman, his phone number, address and website.

“And,” You might ask? “So blinking what,” you might blurt out? Well, any casual look at these ultra mean, highly objectionable cartoons depicting a few of those well-born and delicate members of Congress will disabuse you of the notion that this iPhone App is anything but born of the devil.

Behold more of the blasphemy:

Well, now you can see what I mean! I for one am glad that Apple has realized that these evil, evil little caricatures could most likely lead to the destruction of the Republic.

And what did that great Mad Magazine creepo, Tom Richmond, say about all this?

This is truly ridiculous. These caricatures aren’t mean or very exaggerated. They are simple, fun cartoon likenesses of the politicians and the purpose of the app is a informational database. There is no editorial commentary involved at all.

Hard to believe that anybody could be this blind. Maybe they just have a monkey doing the approval of their apps, and he throws a dart at a dartboard with “approved” and “rejected” targets on it and whatever it hits is the fate of that app.

HA, I SAY! A likely story. This blowhard is even mean to monkeys, fer cripe’s sakes.

All I can say is that we dodged a bullet here, folks. I, for one, will sleep better tonight knowing that Apple Computer corp. is looking out for us on these matters of supreme importance!

And I don’t want to hear one word from any of you about why a 50-year-old man like myself is looking at the Mad Magazine blog! It’s research, got it?!

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Posted by John Ray (M.A.; Ph.D.).

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A “typographical error” resulted in the recall of student T-shirts at Linda Vista Elementary School’s recent jog-a-thon, after a parent called the phone number printed on the back of the shirts and was connected to an adult chat line.

T-shirts were handed out to all students participating in the Oct. 16 jog-a-thon during recess and recalled before students left at the end of the day, Principal Jackie Howland said. The school believes that all of the T-shirts were retrieved, but parents were called just in case, Howland said.

Parents probably had an interesting time explaining

The 1-800 number goes to a she-male sex phone line.

The parents were very understanding, apparently, and the jog-a-thon did raise $25,000.

Good thing they didn’t have anything on there that even sort of kind of resembled a cross, like at Penn State.

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Of course, Balloon Boys parents are playing their own game, one which they will lose.

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Cuffy should be careful. Obama’s humor Czar just outlawed all Obama/Nobel Peace Prize Jokes.

Best Rush Limbaugh quip: “I don’t believe this! He’s not only the first post-racial president, he’s also the first post-accomplishment.”

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On Friday, the 9th, NASA plans to blast a kinetic weapon into the moon. I will do everything I can to alter the course of that object in order to avoid the colony located in the area that is being targeted. I am not alone in this effort. Light workers around the world have been notified and are on the case.

In my meditation under the stars and moon last night I promised those living beings on the moon that we would do everything we could to keep them from suffering any ill affects from this ill advised launch from earth.

And though I should not have been surprised, I was when I got a response… it was a voice in unison, like the voice of many, a sort of collective response. “We know, and thank you” I then sent the thought that the action of a few is not the action of the many. Again, a response of “We know, and thank you”

And then I held my hands out to the sky and made my promise out loud to accept my birthright and to fulfill promises I made before I came here (incarnate). What happened next was quite unexpected.

From there it starts to get weird — but not weird enough to leave the DUmmie crew behind. Comments gush with support, including promises to send “protective energy” to help the enlightened liberal beings who dwell on the moon but are menaced by America’s military industrial complex.

Chairman Zero’s Science Czar John Holdren has it wrong. We don’t need sterilants in the drinking water. We need Thorazine.

On a tip from Harv. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.

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