If a conservative is a homosexual, he bothers other men trying to use the restroom.

If a conservative patronizes prostitutes, he calls himself a defender of traditional marriage.

If a conservative wants a small, weak government he doubles the size of the military and demands more police on the streets.

When a conservative says he loves the constitution, what he means is that he only loves the Second Amendment to the constitution.

When a conservative complains about the dumbing down of education, he means he wants to substitute the book of Genesis for biology.

I used to consider myself a conservative, but now that conservatism is dominated by [edited], I can’t call myself conservative or a liberal. Both sides are dominated by mindless nitwits. Your post is a perfect example of conservatism reduced to the superficial boilerplate to rival the crap spewed by any nihilist liberal.

1. Based on what? Conservatives love to think they have patriotism on lockdown- sorry that’s just not true. Loving your country and wanting it to change for the better is patriotism. It’s because of progressive thought that blacks aren’t still slaves and women can vote. Conservatives remind me of parents saying to their obese child, “have another donut sweetie you look great” while liberals are the parents that say, “son, you are fat-put the cupcake down and go for a run”

2. If a liberal doesn’t like abortion, they won’t get one. If a conservative doesn’t like abortion, then no one else should have one either.

3. See above. Plus, I would be willing to bet that an overwhelming majority of liberals eat meat. If you’re thinking PETA, that’s a fringe group who no one takes seriously.

4. If a conservative sees a foreign threat (which his foreign policy most likely invited), he thinks about how to defeat it (bomb brown countries, they’re all the same). It takes a a more sophisticated political state to find a diplomatic solution to problems. And btw, do you think Canada or Japan have any of the stupid terror related problems that we have? NO. Conservatives are all about defense, but turn a blind eye to prevention. Stop pissing them off, get the hell out of their countries, and stop supporting Israel. They have stated publicly they will leave us alone if these things are done. Why is this so hard? If they want to bomb each other, why should we care? If we do these things and they still want to terrorize us, nuke them.

5. This one made me laugh…you can’t be serious. I’ll comment anyway. If a liberal is not a homosexual, he’ll quietly enjoy his life. If a conservative is not a homosexual (yet somehow still finds himself having fun in bathroom stalls at truck stops and airports), he fights very hard to outlaw “the atrocity” that is gay marriage….even though it doesn’t affect his life in the least.

6. Which successful liberal minority are you talking about?

7. In theory, I am not refuting this.

8. If a liberal doesn’t like porn, prostitution, drugs, “obscenity” in media, he won’t take part. If a conservative doesn’t like them, he wants them to be shut down or censored. For a group who screams personal and fiscal responsibility, throwing $1.5 trillion+ on the epic failure known as the war on drugs, simply because they don’t agree with that lifestyle choice, seems contradictory to both.

9. If a liberal is a believer, he just goes to church. If a conservative is a believer, he wants to integrate church and state and shove Jesus down everyone’s throat to the point they puke (abortion, gay rights, stem cell research, abstinence only education, teaching creation nonsense in public schools, all those a$$holes hanging around outside on main streets screaming “you’re all going to hell” while throwing stupid pamphlets in our faces). Also, school prayer – Why is this even an issue? I’m pretty sure school is a place you go to get educated. If you want to pray, go to f*#@&g church.

10. Perhaps you are right on this one. However, I would be willing to bet all the conservatives that currently have coverage and shouting “screw your health I don’t want to pay for it”, would be first in line begging for government care if they lost their job(benefits) tomorrow and had a sick child.

11. That’s fine. And if a liberal gets caught, he will be punished accordingly. Whoop di doo

12. Right and wrong is subjective. Something is only wrong to the extent it hurts somebody else. If I want to drop a few pills, snort a few lines and party with some hookers , who are you to tell me what I’m doing is wrong? I’m not hurting or bothering anybody. And looking at conservative politicians spewing their family values garbage and then using tax dollars to go visit their mistresses, conservatives really need to get off their moral high horse. I’m not saying liberal politicians behave any better but they don’t hide behind a cloak of self righteousness.

13. That seems to be a grossly over-simplified statement.

If Im wrong on any of these, I stand to be corrected.