Chemo Thoughts: The End of My World?
Earlier today a friend emailed me to ask how I was doing. I assume they were referring to my ongoing battle with leukemia. I answered that I was doing fine. I had determined early on when I got that first lethal prognosis that I was not going to use the pages of Radarsite for a continual updating on the morbid details of my chemotherapy. So I answered that I was doing fine. But, I wonder, how am I really doing? Am I really doing fine?
Nothing concentrates the mind like a death sentence. Especially one that is so close at hand and almost certain. Priorities are immediately questioned and reshuffled. What seemed of great import yesterday may have lost much or all of its weight today. The love and closeness of family and friends becomes paramount: whereas the opinions of strangers become less and less relevant. The often frenetic muddle of everyday life is quickly subsumed into the greater battle for life itself. There’s only enough space left in your life for those things of real value, or perhaps for those values which are real. There’s just not enough time left for empty rhetoric or endless gentlemanly debate. In whatever time is left you must embrace your family and your values and hold them dear.
The whole purpose of developing Radarsite was to speak up for America. To come to her defense. To answer her enemies and her critics with truth. To fight for the truth in the face of the relentless barrage of propaganda and lies. In short, a place to express my love and my respect for America and for American values. This mission has never wavered. The wonderful contributors whose fine work now fills these pages all share this love and respect for our great nation.
And now? Oh, I still love this beautiful country of ours, this wonderful meritocracy we call home. But my love is tinged with anxiety and fear. Like the love for a child who has gone astray, who has ignored all of our good advice and chosen an ignoble path to self-destruction. We can only watch helplessly as they slip further and further from our embrace and deeper and deeper into the black pit.
How do I feel? my friend asks. Here’s how I really feel. From those very first days I have accepted my personal prognosis completely and without complaint. I am grateful for the endlessly fascinating life I have been allowed to live. But I have not yet accepted the dire fate that awaits my beloved country. I am filled with shame and disbelief at what we have become, what we are becoming, what we are giving up, what we have forgotten. My usually dependable inherent optimism has been all but eroded by the preposterous events of these last few years. That America I have so long loved and respected has been turned upside down. Those values that separated us from the rest of the world have either been ingloriously degraded or completely abandoned. We no longer know who we are or what we stand for. We allow others to define us, we allow our sworn enemies — both within and without — to determine our national agendas. We are in the fateful process of completely losing our national identity. And according to our recent elections, this makes half of our population happy. Half of our population considers our formerly-precious American identity to be the problem. America is what’s wrong with this world. To fix the world we must therefore change what it means to be an American. Change we can believe in.
We are presently besieged by savage enemies. Islamists, Marxists, Anarchists, cruel dictators and criminal tyrants. We are besieged by alien cults of death who nurse apocalyptic visions of destruction. Everything that we hold dear is under attack and threatened. But the most dangerous and shameless enemy of all lives right here amongst us. Our very own treacherous patriots, who rush to give the keys to the kingdom to the barbarians at our gates. The idiots, the fools, the delusional liberals, and those elitist amoral progressives who honestly believe that by utterly destroying the fabric of this great nation they will somehow save it. They have traded our pride for guilt and our strength for safety. And I despise them for it. I despise them more than I despise our sworn enemies, because our sworn enemies do not disguise their motives under the cloak of patriotism.
And what of our innocent children? Our beloved grandchildren? What godless world have we bequeathed to them? What is our message to these innocents? There is no right or wrong. Everything is relative. All peoples and all belief systems are morally equal. There is no such thing as good or evil, just different points of view. War is morally wrong, no matter what its purpose. To defend yourself with violence is as unjustifiable as to attack one with violence.
How do I feel? I have been told that my life is coming to an end. So be it. I can deal with that. But can I deal with the prospect of my beloved country coming to an end? Is my beloved country eagerly embracing its own demise? Will our new America truly be willing to fight for its survival in this savage world? Or, as it seems to me now, have we chosen the ignoble road of appeasement and dishonor? Is there still hope for us?
Someone out there please tell me that I am wrong, that my pessimism is premature or unfounded, that my deductions are somehow flawed. Someone please tell me that I can leave this world in peace and not in this awful despair for our future. – rg
Email This
Posted by Roger W. Gardner on January 14, 2009 7:26 pm
» Filed Under Anti-Americanism, Culture of Death, Dems In Charge: Now What?, Domestic Enemies, Foreign Policy, Islamicfascism, Liberal Media/Bias, Patriotism, The United States of America, liberalism
Trackback URL:
- Brutally Honest: A dying man's fears...
- Pardon Scooter [Dan Collins] pinged this post.
- Offering It Up » The End of Our World? pinged this post.
Comments
15 Responses to “Chemo Thoughts: The End of My World?”
-
-
-
-
Affiliations
The Giants
Advertise
-
-
Our Store
- Click the design to visit our store and help Stop the ACLU!
Stop the ACLU blogburst
-
BLOGGERS FOR
-
-
-
- More blogs about the ACLU
Syndicate Me
Roger, it is not the American nation, but the American idea that matters. And there are many of us who are committed to seeing it forward.
I have faith in God, and that gives me hope for his children.
Roger my friend,
The same God who is carrying you through your ordeal with cancer, is still in control of this world. He has not taken his hands off you and he has not taken his hands off the United States of America, that was founded on freedom and on faith in God.
I know things look grim, but there have always been wars and dictators and evil people, and there always will be … until the end of our lives and until the end of the world, until Christ returns.
Only God Himself knows the future, we mere humans can only guess at what is in store.
So don’t give up the faith for yourself and do not give up the faith for this beautiful country, America.
Roger:
There are many of us who share your concern. I will tell you that all is not lost. I could go into great detail as to why I think America is destined for a great comeback. Suffice to say, the catalyst for this comeback is the very concern you speak of. Have no worries.
I had no idea.
I like this blog.
Roger, please do not give up hope. Don’t give it up for your survival – nor for the survival of ideals that you and I and many others hold dear.
Sometimes we must go through terrific pain and turmoil to eventually end up in a positive place again.
My prayers for your health – and for all the principles that once did make our nation a “shining city on the hill.”
I stopped what I was doing to read this. Thank you very much for sharing your feelings and ideas. I wish I had a fraction of your courage. May God heal you and bless you.
Roger,
You have put into words what I have been feeling these last couple of years better than I could ever express.
After getting my own diagnosis a couple of years ago with advanced cancers (now two types) and dealing with my own battles with chemo and other treatments,it has been quite discouraging to see this country decaying much the same as I am.
For myself, I am prepared as well as I can be. For my children, and their future is what worries me. Sometimes I wonder if what this country really needs is something as drastic as what chemo is to the body.
I will never give up the fight for either myself, or my country. I pray that God gives us both the strength to do so as long as possible.
God Bless.
Roger, I too fear for my country. I don’t know if the current decline can be arrested, but I know that I will do what little I can to do so and to reverse it. I will not sit idly by as the idea of liberty and self-government are perverted and destroyed.
And remember, my friend, death is not the extinguishing of a light, but the blowing out of a candle because the sun has come up.
I have the same fears. And I
think it will have to get much
worse before it gets better.
America has always survived everything that the Devil has thrown against her. She will survive this latest onslaught as well.
If not, the Mayans said the world would end on 12/21/2012, so there’s not much time left to damage her further.
More prayers are coming … I’ve linked to this post from BlogWatch • Matt 25:35-36
I have been blest by having you for a countryman, and by the work you have been doing. I hope and pray you have many, many happy and comfortable days before leaving us. But when you do, rest well, as you will deserve to do. You’re merely passing the torch. The uglier that things look, the more people who wake up, because benign explanations become less and less tenable.
If you want some secular reassurance, just look at the increasing numbers of commentary references to “Altas Shrugged.”
Just because you’ll be transitioning from active warrior to inspiration …
My God bless you.
Roger, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Three years ago I too was given the likelihood that I would die of lung cancer. Surgery, chemotherapy and the grace of God stayed the hand of death and I’m still here, for how long only God knows but like you, I do not fear death nor am I going to spend my days worrying about what might have been or what might be.
I am also confident that this beloved country can withstand any assault and still come out on top. We might be knocked on our collective asses, maybe on beat to our knees but we will always rise up again. Dark days may well be in our future, but darkness always fades with the coming light and that light shall surely come. Fear not for our country, for many wise men and fearless men will stand and will conquer again.
To GM Roper — What a heartening comment. I am so happy for you. And thank you for bolstering my spirits.