ACLU to Sue 7-11

Posted on September 13, 2008

The ACLU announced today they were suing the convenience store chain 7-11 on behalf of the American Atheist and Humanist Association (AAHA) for their motto. Claiming their motto, “Oh Thank Heaven for 7-11″ is biased against “Atheists and others whose belief or lack thereof in a supreme being or deity should not hinder them from enjoying a Slurpee or a 99 cent hot dog with all the condiments they can pile on” and “this motto may cause undue stress on these persons and cause them to lose their appetite, thereby depriving them of their Right to a 99 cent hot dog with all the condiments they can pile on.”

A spokesman for AAHA, Harvey Stinkfinger III, in a press conference held in front of a Stop’N'Go because the 7-11 parking lot was too full, said “The day when a chain of stores can taunt atheists is coming to an end in America. With the lawsuit filed by the ACLU on behalf of Atheists everywhere, today we will soon start seeing a world where this mythical sky daddy is not thrown in our face every time we turn around. After this we plan to go after the lowercase letter “T” so we can read an article without being reminded that there MAY be some afterlife we gotta worry about.”

A spokesman for the 7-11 chain, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon was quoted in the Charlotte Daily Appleton as saying “By Vishnu, these morons can go stick it in their donkey where the moon is full. We here at the Kwik, err, I mean 7-11 offer good products at great prices and our motto is nobodys business. Now if you will excuse me I must get back to work. Would you like some beef jerky with your vodka and porn, Reverend? Hey, why are you still writing? Get out of my store and don’t come back, you lousy reporter. Thank you come again.”