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ACLU Secret Prisons EXPOSED!!!!!!

Posted on December 19, 2005

Update: Bwhahahahahah! It’s Official! ACLU Confess!
This reporter has learned from a source that demands anonymity that the ACLU has SECRET PRISONS in Canada and is holding Santa Claus as a suspected Spreader of Good Cheer.

The anonymous source, one of several escapees from this secret ACLU prison, claims that the ACLU sent mercenary lawyers armed with arrest warrants and a small squad of Canadian Mounties to the North Pole Hideout of Santa Claus, AKA St. Nick, AKA The Jolly Old Elf, sometime in late june and raided his compound, arresting everyone inside.

Our source, along with several other accomplices of Mr. Kringle, and Kringle himself, were taken to this secret prison and held for weeks in “dark rooms that resemble those of Motel6″ and forced to watch “broadcast networks” as cable and satellite were not provided. Our source also complained of not having access to hot cocoa and gingerbread, stating “Hot cocoa and gingerbread are what Mrs. Claus makes for our breaks everyday, and to deprive us of this is torture.”

This reporter has learned that several of the escapees have been captured by American Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents, which means they will soon be looking for work outside of a home improvement center near you. The ACLU is rumored to have released the remainder of “Santa’s Elves” as the gang of diminutive accomplices is known, due to the fact that they couldn’t prove U.S. citizenship and claimed they have a “right to work.”

The ACLU has not returned calls, and in a press release claimed that no such prison exists.

More on this story as it develops.

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» Filed Under Christmas, Humor


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Comments

7 Responses to “ACLU Secret Prisons EXPOSED!!!!!!”

  1. Pappy on December 19th, 2005 10:54 am

    Kender you amaze me with some of your posts. Keep it up. Did you get the ACLU’s approval for this one.

  2. Springer on December 19th, 2005 11:47 am

    Please see my humorous stab at PC grinchingL ChristallNacht
    posted at Brian Bonner’s uncooperativeblogger.com under humor!

  3. Scott on December 19th, 2005 11:52 am

    Your sources are excellent. Here’s a report from the front lines:

    http://www.aclutx.org/libertyblog.php?e=122

    Feliz Navidad, amigos!
    :-)

  4. Rosemary on December 19th, 2005 4:54 pm

    OMG! Stop the presses! Do you have a copy for that? LOL. Thanks for laugh. I needed that right about now. :)

  5. Suzie on December 19th, 2005 6:19 pm

    This reminds me of just what a JOKE the ACLU is. They must be STOPPED!!!! This is too much!!

    Thanks for the laughs….loved it. (smiling)

  6. epiphany on December 19th, 2005 6:59 pm

    rotflmaopimp!!! Yes!

  7. Politically Incorrect Mom on December 19th, 2005 7:53 pm

    Too funny!

» ACLU Object To Questioning Muslims Attending Radical Conferences
ACLU’s selective indignation »